Different with my experimentation in unit 1 that I focused on exploring the process of disappearance images to reflect the process of forgetting—How a person gets forget by people around him when he dies. In unit 2 I focus more on how to use one single shot to storytelling, and to express emotion. If unit 1 overall displays my understanding towards death, which is a process of forgetting and disappearing, then each piece of works I make for unit 2 is more like a conclusion of feelings before I completely die. In unit 2, by narrowing down the broad topic of death, I make the whole project more personal and self-centered. By proposing question to myself that if I am going to build a funeral for me, what I want it to be? What contents of the funeral, which I call as testament, should include? And what stories, messages or meanings I try to convey to audiences when they interact with my testament? Thus, while keep trying different shooting methods and printing textures, I construct a testament storytelling kingdom with seven artworks with each of them as a line expressing different story and feeling. Meanwhile, I finally figure out the contents of portrait works which I have been struggle in the entire unit 1. In order to broaden the breadth of the content of my project, I also tried technical besides photography, such as painting and sculpture.
In unit 1, I printed six gradually blurred portraits on mirror paper for a more blurry effect to mimic the process of forgetting and dying by displaying the process of image disappearance. However, the works of process are just experimenting images expressing my basic understanding of how death works. The works I created in unit 1 are not the posthumous photos I am willing to display in my funeral for audiences to memorize and communicate. Thus, at the beginning of unit 2, I also struggled with the contents for my posthumous photos. Personally, I wish all photos to be pretty in a classic way—pretty face, proper composition, and comfortable filter—so that people can only remember the positive side of me. However, I also define a beautiful daily selfie as lack of storytelling and expressive emotion, thus, it’s lack of artistic meaning. While I talk with my roommate Norah Wang, she states that all my shooting ideas in search of contents of posthumous photos are too straightforward. “ At least the visual images of illustration needs to be abstract.”She says. I didn’t realize that when I feel shameful displaying the images of selfie directly to the public, I regards the straightforward visual language as something negative because I’m used to hiding from expressing the real me. Therefore, within the process of experimentation, I always try to blurry the look of my face. For example, I try to shoot a portrait photo with DSLR camera in bulb setting, by adjusting the time of exposure myself while I shake my head when shooting, the final photo will record the movement trail of my head which leads the visual effect of the photo seems as a ghost. Or I just remake the digital photo by keep adding layers in photoshop to cover the face. I try to make the storytelling of one portrait photo more complex by increasing the elements in the photo. Just like the digital printing works Stuck in This Dimension of Lin Fangsuo, he built up the outline of the character in each piece of works by constructing with many little pieces as the second layer background. I use photoshop to cut one whole portrait of me into pieces, adjusting its transparency, underneath each piece, I overlay a second background layer for the photo. The background sources include my landscape photographic works of those countries where I ever been too. The color of sunset(celestial phenomenon is a continuous photographic project I’ve been doing for years which includes the look of sunset, so I have a huge number of related works.), and my cultural documentary photos are also included. I fell into the loop that I regards complexity equals to storytelling. David Hockney, whom is one of the most inspiring artists relate with my works, I went to his exhibition Bigger & Closer(not smaller & further away) in Lightroom, which is a completely projectable show gathered his past and current artworks within a video, with his audio explaining each works. When he talks about one of his photographic collage works The Crossword Puzzle, he says” And I realized you could make portraits more and more complex, showing different expressions on the face using the passing of time.” The whole works is the combination constructing by pieces of instant photos. Thus, when I analyze his photographic collage works, I feel more that the whole works is a process, a process drawing and expressing a story with instant photographs. Due to the instantaneity pf photography, overlay one photo on to another is like overlying the time. Thus, I realize that a overlayed collage photo works is not something I am looking forward to because I want to express visual emotion more than narrating a process of story when making photographic works. David Hockney also states that “ Artists live in the now.”Therefore, I finally ensure the contents for my posthumous photo project, which are the emotional expressions of those moment—every time when I fell for depression and try to commit suicide—what I feel at the moment. Photography becomes a tool to convert all those negative sides which I ever tried to hide into visual images. Once when I talked with my professor, Duncan Wooldridge, he informed me that all things I created and left are my words, which can long to testament, so are my emotions. It’s exactly because of these emotions which push me to face death directly, so while I use photography as a language to describe death, I should start with emotion. While I process with this project, I feel redeemed the same time. Each portrait image I made conveys a message which I ever would never talk to anyone. But now when I crate all these images, I accept myself. And when I put them into public for comments, I am also calling people who are in the same situation as I do that they are not alone. I ever left some questions to myself when I chatted with Norah in unit 1” Why my person issues and idea matter to the others? How and why do I my ideas valuable ?”Because this project I am making is not only an anti-conventional cultural project which is analyzing death, as a taboo, into public, but it’s also a project which breaks my safety-zone. Just like the ideas of contemporary art can easily repeat, I am not the only one who have the emotional, life struggled issue, who faced and am still facing death. To build personal experience based project for me is also a channel to communicate with and encourage those who are as same as me.
Once I ensure emotional images are the main expression for my works, I started to experimenting with different shooting mention and printing materials to explore the proper way to physically express the emotion of my digital works. For me, when depression outbreaks, it feels like drowning, which makes me can not breath. It also feels like my body is stretched by many hands that I break into pieces. And each piece gets lost in different direction. So I continue experimenting with bulb exposure shooting mode, while adjusting the shutter time by myself using a bluetooth connected phone as shutter release, meanwhile, I shake my head either slowly or quickly to any direction, I get photos which seem blurry in the face at the first sight, but indeed displaying two status of faces and the whole moving trails after staring a few seconds. By shooting with bulb exposure mode, it reflects the visual effect of unstable emotion. In unit 2, I tried underwater film shooting the first time. To better continue with this shooting mode in open water area, I completed the assessment and got the OW scuba diving certificate. From my perspective, if there is another world after death, then the world underwater could be the reflection of that world. Although I only finished four rolls of films during shooting, I got one portrait which meets my interest which is a half facial portrait photo —because the rest of face is underneath the water—edited in black and white, so the light reflection on the water suddenly seems like a piece of veil on my face. Although black and white is the conventional color for posthumous photo, by blurring with the way I create the picture, it’s the two sides of story expressed by the photo more attracts. Within the same period I also tried with normal film shooting, polaroid shooting(which will be introduced), and ActionSampler Clear shooting which allows one-second film shooting for four pics at the same time. There are also some other portrait photos are in process, they will focus more on how to express emotion by building up with crops and light.
After trying with printing digital works on mirror paper, vellum paper, transparent vinyl inkjet film, white pottery paper, glossy white postcards, newspaper, transparent acetate paper, papyrus and many other textures, for Bargehosue exhibition within unit 2, I decide to print my works on transparent acetate paper to display. The reason I choose transparent acetate paper is because I am obsessed with church stained glass windows and have been collecting related photos for years. For me, the colorful shadow of the windows on ground when sunlight reflects with windows is a recreation of artworks. Thus, I want my works to have the same visual effect when interact with sunlight. Transparent vinyl inkjet film actually interacts the best with both sunlight and artificial light. However, due to the size problem that I want my works to be all printed in A0 size, because when enlarging the size of works it could have a more focused visual impact when audiences watch the works. Also, if printing on transparent background, works need to be as large as possible to keep works’ details. Therefore, because of the highly cost and the technique problem, I chose to print on transparent acetate paper. Although works printed on the transparent acetate paper can not reflect shadows when light come through, the material slightly melted with ink printing works, which accidentally meets the idea of disappearance images proposed in unit 1. During the process printing images, I put white paper underneath to watch the image conveniently. So for the Bargehouse exhibition, I also placed the same size white canvas on the back side of each works to make it more convenient to see. However, after talking with Duncan and also experimenting with visual effects without white background, I agree with Duncan that when the works is nearly transparent and disappearing, it will take audience more time to focus. Also, without background will male the works turns back to double sided so it would be more interesting to explore visual effects from different side.
The traditional sizes of posthumous photos in China usually follows 20.32cm x 30.48cm or 25.4cm x 30.48cm. So in unit 1, I printed all works in A4 size(21c x 29.7cm) which fits more for convention. However, not only because I want to make things anti-conventional, but also because I want my works to look as big as tombstone when I place them on the ground. Also, as David Hockney states in his book introducing his new show in Lightroom, that all his works are big enough to fill the room space, “ Bigger also means expanding sensorially.” I made the decision of making my works in A0 size.
When experimenting with printing materials, the most special one is shrink plastic paper, which I also applied to use for my works for Forces of the Small exhibition. Shrink plastic paper is the kind of material which can scale down snd get thicker after heating. I try to use this material as a replacement of stained glass. Since the church stained glass windows were made with pieces of glass as a whole, I wonder if I print as many shrink plastic paper and heat, whether I can use all miniatures to build a photographic window which have the same visual effect when reflecting with light. However, the material of shrink plastic paper is not as clean or transparent enough as glass, especially when it get heated and thicker, the light can not go through the material, thus, there will only be dark shadow. Under the natural daylight when there’s no strong light coming from the back, the color of printed shrink plastic paper is dim and unclear, which looks like negative film. If there’s strong sunlight or artificial light lights up from the back, or if put the printed shrink plastic paper on top of light box, the original color of printed works will show up, even brighter. Thus, I tried to make a mini coffin glued by pieces of shrink plastic paper, which can show its stories only under the light. However, when the material shrinks, each piece’s edges could be uneven. No matter to regular each piece’s shape or size so they fit each other better, the process of cutting requires a finer technique, and a long term of time. The piece of work I displayed and framed for miniature show which is around 3cm x 5cm large took me more than 1 hour to cut and reshape. So I end up not using this material for Testament project. But I do continue experimenting with it for the other projects.
As I mentioned above, when processing with unit 2, church stained glass window is one of the sources which inspires me. Besides all these years travel around to different churches such as St Giles’ Cathedral in Edinburgh, Duomo di Milano in Milan, and so on for field research, I also get inspiration from David Hockney’s iPad drawing works The Queen’s Window, which was made as a physical church window in Westminster Abbey now. “Hockney considered the iPad a nature design tool for this project because , like a stained-glass window, it’s back-lit.”(The Queen Elizabeth II Window, 2023) In the exhibition Tiger & Closer: Not Smaller & Further Away, he also puts this work projectable, where he also draws the colorful shadow for the window and reflects by projection as well. The different methods to exhibit the same works provides me with ideas of displaying artworks.
The polaroid artworks of David Hockney also provide me inspiration when I propose a similar shooting idea as he did. As I mentioned before, to clarify the contents of my posthumous photos project, I ever tried different ways to cut one works into pieces, after re-editing, combining all new pieces as a whole. Thus, when I am experimenting with polaroid shooting, I proposed an idea that I can construct a huge portrait photo with pieces of instant polaroid photos. My House Montcalm Avenue Los Angelas Friday, and Gregory Swimming Los Angeles March 31st 1982 have been a polaroid photographic works from David I’ve like for so long. The initial reason I like the works is just because I like the overall color. And it seems hard to collage each instant frame all together that I do respect the efforts and technique he put for works. Then I like them because I think the works meet my shooting idea. However, after I get to know deeper about how and why David created these images, that he says “ It’s a fraction of a second, frozen. So the moment you’ve looked at it for even four seconds , you’re looking at it for far more than the camera did.” His works contain a process to extend time by putting all instant photos together which build up timeline. Thus, I abandon my first polaroid shooting idea because within photographic field, for me, using pieces to just physically enlarge a portrait photo is meaningless. Still, I want to focus more on the storytelling of works more than pointing out the time for creating them. I realize that I like taking photos with polaroid is because I like its physical feature that different from digital works, polaroid film works can be touched and interacted within seconds. Expired films may cause light leak, flam light pattern, or leakage which are natural and surprising ways to recreate images. Expired films are abandoned by time, but polaroid is an instant shooting machine. Thus, when using polaroid to shoot with expired films, the process connects past time and current time as the same second. The collision of past and present time reflects the meaning , or the process of memorizing, which is the feeling I’d like audiences to have when they see my works. Meanwhile, I choose to put my polaroid works back to its battery box which may still have some battery left even if the box has already finished up shooting. The combination of my polaroid works and battery box is a return of life。 But it’s also a process of life continuity. To make the contents of polaroid works more closer to the idea of Testament, I majorly shoot subjects related with death in Egypt. I also started to try to use polaroid to take double exposure images in order to reflect two dimensional sides of depressive emotions, connection between death and dreams, and the reaction between physical body and soul. At the beginning, I started with 600 polaroid machine which took me up to two days using up around five packs of films for experimentation. Too achieve double exposure on one film with 600 machine, I need to shoot with one same film twice, which means I have to open the battery box each time after shooting to inset the film back. The process might lead to overexposure for the entire film box. Also, it’s hard to adjust how much light I need for each shooting. Either darker or brighter might lead the failure of double exposure images because the content might be mixed and unclear. I ended up with two films succeed with double exposure. However, the contents of films are still not as clear as I wish. Although making experiments with old machines could be fun. I ended up buying a new machine polaroid Now+ which itself supports double exposure shooting method.
The reason of connecting death and dreams is because within the discussion with my classmate P in unit 1, I mentioned to him that it’s hard for me to wake up everyday because I dream too much which affects my sleep quality and my physical body. I feel that when I am asleep, I am mentally and physically dead in reality. (The only difference with real death is that I can still breath.) However P proposed that when I dream, I am conscious in my mental world. It’s a new form of living. Thus, I am trying to use double exposure photos to draw connection between death and dreams, explaining my doubts on whether the afterlife is dream, and where and how does soul exist if it truly exists.
In unit 1, while exploring with contents for posthumous photos, I mentioned my exploration for self identity. Due to childhood and teen’s period reasons, I always move around, that I especially can’t stay in cities for too long. Therefore, to create my artworks, I also have to keep traveling so that I can feel my emotional connection with nature, where the emotional expression are also used for contents of works. Testament is not the only project I am working on. So by traveling to different places and stay as long as I can provides me field research for my documentary cultural projects(This will be introduced as photo book for research festival). Thus, while I keep looking for my identity, I also get back to categorize the past photos I took to try to find my root. I found out that besides natural landscape, most of my photos specifically focus on celestial phenomenon, such as sunsets and sunrise, clouds, rainbows, lightning and so on. I am more closer to nature than city life. Get in touch with mountains, forests, lakes and oceans make me feel alive. This may explain why I prefer to be alone than being surrounded by people. I define myself as a fragment of nature. Therefore, I clarify that if holding a funeral, I want it to be filled with natural elements. Thus, by zoom in those sky photos I ever took and edited with photoshop, I get new pieces of different sky color. Meanwhile, I build up a relevant photographic book, with each image having a short paragraph describing stories happened when I took each of the photo. The paragraphs all start with “Tick the box if…” to better interact with readers. To decide the size, paper texture and book edition style for my photo book, I went to book fairs in Derby, and also bought some interested photo books online as reference. Newspaper texture is my top preference. When I was a child, my family book newspaper monthly. So the texture of newspaper makes me feel close. Also, the texture of newspaper is soft when touching. White newspaper is naturally a bit yellow, the color reminds me of past time, which adds more storytelling flavor for works. In unit 1 I use normal white paper to print those 23 images, becasue the texture of white paper is more supportable for stitches.
Related Sources
David Hockney, Bigger & Closer: Not Smaller & Further Away, Lightroom
pixeltocode.uk, P., The queen Elizabeth II window, Westminster Abbey. Available at: https://www.westminster-abbey.org/about-the-abbey/history/the-queen-elizabeth-ii-window# (Accessed: 24 May 2023).
Lin Fangsuo, Stuck in This Dimension series, 2018
Other Book Reference